Friday, December 17, 2021

Jokes

If your father is a poor man, it is your fate.
But, if your father-in-law is a poor man...it's your stupidity.
............................................................ .................................................

If it's true that we are here to help others,

then what exactly are the others here for?
........................................ .................................................

Behind every successful man, there is a woman

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
.................................................

The more you learn, the more you know,

the more you know, the more you forget,

the more you forget, the less you know.

So.. why learn?.
............................................................ ................................................. ...

What's the difference between masturbation and sex?
There is not difference, except that when you have sex, you get to know people.
 --------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
------------------------------------------------------------ -------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
------------------------------------------------------------ -------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
------------------------------------------------------------ -------
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
------------------------------------------------------------ -------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
------------------------------------------------------------ -------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
------------------------------------------------------------ -------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
----------------------- -------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
---------------------------
Medical Distinction

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you
really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you
informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,
being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are
you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome,
since both ultimately result in death.